i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
