Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
