Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
