You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
