One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
