Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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