my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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