i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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