I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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