dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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