Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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