Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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