I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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