apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
