just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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