your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
