I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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