I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
