So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't put those talents on a resume
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
