I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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