I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
