I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
