all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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