Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
