a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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