I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The feeling are messing with the penis
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
