apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
