we're blogging at a bar
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
