I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
