I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
