his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
