In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
