Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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