Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
