cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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