I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
