A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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