Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
