I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
