So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
vagina is talking i cant
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
