Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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