oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
