Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
