I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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