Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
