dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
