I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
