do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
