I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
