Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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