I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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