Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
