I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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