i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
