I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
