i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
