weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
