her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
