So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
