Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
