She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
