apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
