Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
