mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
