he quoted the bible to break up with me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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