i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
