wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
