you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
